By Grace Lee ‘23
Ms. Finn, my dorm head and psych teacher, has always been a suspicious figure to me. In psychology class, she often brings her dog Buckeye. However, sometimes she does not bring him to class. Other times, she may even bring in a dog called Riley which she claims is “her mom’s dog”. This irregular pattern of dog-bringing didn’t seem too strange to me, but questions arose after one particular psychology class. Buckeye was looking a little bit different, as he happened to have shorter hair. My brain entered a long period of thinkage about this strange occurrence, because like, what kind of dog can ungrow his hair? I don’t even know any humans who can do that. There must be another reason as to why Buckeye looks different.
What if the dog in the classroom isn’t Buckeye at all? What happened to the real Buckeye? My theory is that Ms. Finn must have more dogs than we know about, and she is swapping out different dogs to bring to class each day. Where do the other dogs go when they are not brought to class? Does she perform psychological experiments on them? She may even have as many as 2000 dogs in her apartment for all we know, which exceeds the legal limit by 1996 dogs. Ms. Finn could have a dog-hoarding behavior we may not know about.
At the beginning of the year, there was leaf blowing everyday early in the morning. Sometimes, the leaf blowers weren’t even blowing anything at all. Mrs Finn brought this up to my class, and this was the first time that I began to suspect that she was hiding something. I remember in first grade, there was a saying: “whoever smelt it dealt it”. That was a saying referring to farts, but I have a feeling that Ms. Finn was the one who “dealt it”. She must have ordered leaf blowing in the early morning in order to hide the dogs’ loud barking and brought it up to the class as a way to seem like she had nothing to do with it. Additionally, the dog Riley had always seemed suspicious to me. How can we know Riley is truly Ms. Finn’s mom’s dog? I’ve never seen Ms. Finn’s mom, so there is a possibility she may not have any dogs at all. She is definitely part of Ms. Finn’s dog stash. Ms. Finn also claims to have taken another dog into her care named Bowdie, which shows that she clearly has intention of bringing more dogs into her house. All of these reasons made me suspicious of her dog-hoarding.
After using my 5 brain cells to think some more about this issue, I developed a plan. I would sneak into Ms. Finn’s apartment, and document the dogs that she has been stashing away. In the early morning, I snuck into the Finnerty house and took a photo of my discoveries.
Overall, I hope that you all - as readers - can take hold of the gravity of Ms. Finn’s dog hoarding behavior. She has way too many dogs, and there are even three poops in the living room (shown above). The dogs are running around and there is mayhem. An unqualified estimation of the amount of dogs in her apartment is 2000, many of which are uninhibited and crazy. This concludes the case of Ms. Finn’s dogs.